A dream is our hearts deepest desire. Our greatest wish. Our scariest fear. It’s an entrance to a temple that tells us what we truly want. What we pray and hope for. It can bring a woman to tears and a man to his knees. Give someone a reason to live. Or the approval of death itself. It’s said that if we die in our sleep we die in reality. But that isn’t true and so many of us know this. I believe that when we die in our sleep we give up on something. A wish we might have had long ago, a person who used to give reason to live and is now gone, an object desired by any means necessary. Honestly, I’d rather have my life stripped from my very being than let a dream slip away. I cling to people because with each new person I meet a new light of hope is brought into my heart. With each new object a new, precious memory is created. And with each word spoken an idea that transforms itself into a wish is brought into my world. Each are connected to me. A person comes into my life and creates memories where objects, gifts, presents or just inside jokes arise. All these things I crave, want…need. And because I moved I lost so many people I had had in my life; Memories now lost and unattainable now. Something’s I miss more than others, people included. I regret ever moving and for anyone who cares, for all that its worth…I cry ever damned night…every moment this comes to my mind I become so sullen I worry the people, who know not who I am, to actually ask me if I’m okay. It’s why I post so many odd things on my facebook. Why I write love notes & lyrics, than seem as if I’m on the verge of suicide, than write lyrics as him I’m tough and doing great. I don’t know how I’m feeling anymore, until this pain in my chest reminds me. I’m lonely. Sad as it is, it’s the only feeling I have that’s true, pain is truth, it is reality and it sometimes comforts me with the knowledge that I am not dreaming. I have continuously had dreams of asking others to take my life then keeping them from taking their own. Enemies, allies and total strangers. I won’t let others die yet I wish for it upon myself and I ask why but get no answer. Only more question that I cannot fully comprehend or answer. People tell me to let go of the past, to forget what’s been done cause there’s nothing I can do now. Ain’t that a bunch a crap? With our past knowledge we are supposed to grow, strengthen up and never repeat the same mistakes. Sucks it took me so long to realize the mistakes I had been making though. I’ve worn everyone’s patience to its very core. Some of you will never forgive me and it’ll probably be the death of me. So from my dreams, my mind, my heart and my very essence, I am sorry. I wish I could have you back in my life again.

Anyways, I wanted to say something impressive to explain myself but this was all I could come up with. Guess I’ll have to keep dreaming.

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