I know for sure there will be someone who reads this blog. But I wonder if there’ll be anyone who “understands” this one…or maybe feel the same way.

Reading books is an enjoyment. At least stories of fantasy, sci-fi, fiction and adventure. But it’s a double-edged sword. I enjoy the stories I read. But in the end I’m conflicted and frustrated. I don’t like it when a story I’ve enjoyed ends. I understand it has to, that there can’t be a sequel or that it’d get worse if the author tried to continue that particular story. But what really gets me…what really tugs at my heart…is the reality of this world I live in. It’s…rotten. Boring. Simple. Not thrilling. I live my days what seems to feel like the same.

Normally there are differences within each day of ours so we know that this is a new tomorrow and what’s behind us is a “yesterday”. But my days…even though the differences are subtle…they just feel the same. They’re ordinary. Plain..and uneventful. And for some reason it hurts…I’m to young to really do anything to change this path I walk. But the characters I read or watch all have this strong will and dream and hope and their days are so fulfilling and eventful. I wonder why I can’t have that. Why can’t this world be like those of the story I read. 

Maybe there’s a hidden chaos I’m unaware of? Maybe I’m just insane for thinking this way…But maybe chaos is what we need in this world to have fun and enjoyment? We strive so hard for peace…but I think I understand the phrase now…”Peace is boring”…? Yes? 

People fear death. It’s supposed to be the second greatest fear in our world (right after public speaking). But I can’t fear it. There’s no bone in my body afraid of death. And I envy people who get to die. Why? Because they get to experience what’s after. Heaven/Hell, reincarnation, maybe they just blow out like a candle and nothing happens after death or their dreams become their reality and they get to live in a world they create and see what “God’s” position is like…do I sound insane yet? I feel like I have no sanity left in me. I cry tears of sadness with burning frustration inside my mind, all while wearing a true, genuine smile. 

But hey…”Genius borderlines insanity”….right?